Worried you’ll be wasting your potential to “just” be a stay at home mom? Here’s how to shift your mindset and overcome your anxiety!
In a Nutshell:
It’s difficult to decide if you want to “just” be a SAHM or continue to work. You’ll inevitably have fears about “wasting” your college education but you’re not alone in these doubts! Your degree and all the experiences that went with obtaining it helped shape who you are today and will continue to benefit you and your family even as a SAHM.
Have you ever been in a long staff meeting or pumped for the 3rd time that day in a cold lactation room and thought “I wish I could just be a stay at home mom?” Me too. If you’re similar to me, your next thoughts are probably “Yeah, but I worked too hard and paid too much for a college degree to throw away my career. What will people think if I chicken out of the workforce and stay home?”
Here’s the deal. More women than you realize are asking themselves that very same question! When you went into college, you probably weren’t thinking about kids. Sure, you wanted them someday but you wanted to get an education and an impressive sounding job first and the best way to do that was to go to college. Again, I get it. I was the same way! Kids came sooner than you thought and now you’re wondering how all the working moms around you are handling this whole work-life balance thing.
Staying Home is not a Waste of Your Education
Your education doesn’t have to be in opposition of your desire to be a SAHM. Let’s get rid of all those “yeah, but” thoughts that fill your head. Are you ready?
Yeah, but I worked too hard to get here
You’re right! You worked thousands of hours to get the grades to get into college, to pass your tests, to earn your degree, and to get through your internship. All that dedication, perseverance, and hard-earned knowledge is useful in your home and family life too. What you learned in college helped to shape you to be the person you are today.
The books you read and concepts you learned are things that will stick with you even if you choose to be a SAHM. Leaving the workforce doesn’t have to mean everything you worked for meant nothing. Instead, think of choosing to leave the working mom life behind as an alternative post-graduation choice. Some women choose to pursue Master’s degrees, some people choose to stay home. Both are valid.
Yeah, but I spent so much money on college
Yep, you spent quite a bit of money on your education. There’s no way around it so instead of worrying how much you spent, think of how much you got for that money. If you didn’t go to college, would you have met your best friends? Would you have met your husband?
You learned to deal with interpersonal conflicts, to learn to live on very little money, and to work hard. You saw first hand the kind of mold that grows on weeks worth of unwashed dishes and you vowed never to let them get that way again! No? That one was just me?
The point is, you spent thousands of dollars, but you gained experiences and relationships that you would never have gotten if you hadn’t spent that money and gone to that college. Likely, you wouldn’t even be in this job or even this town if you hadn’t gone to school. The money hasn’t been wasted.
Yeah, but what will everyone think if I leave to be “just” a SAHM?
There are way more women than you would ever realize that are asking this same question. If one of them decided to pull the trigger and stay home, would you be judgmental or would you you admire her? If you were to announce right now that you were going to leave the working mom life behind there’s going to be people who wonder why and don’t understand but there’s going to be way more that get it and wish you luck!
Yeah, but I want to be a role model to my kids. I want them to be proud of me.
Guess who gets to shape your kids’ concept of what is admirable? You do! You’re their mom. You’re the main woman in their life for their entire upbringing. Do you want them to value education over family or family over education? Your actions will show them your priorities and what you think is important. In turn, they’ll learn to value what you value.
Yeah, but I can’t just be a SAHM
If I have learned one thing in this journey from career to stay at home mom, it’s that there is no “just” about being a SAHM. As a working mom, you balance career with cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, and childcare, etc but most weeks you’re just scraping by. Surviving, not thriving. When you stay home, you get the opportunity to do all of those (except career) more thoroughly.
Your laundry doesn’t have to sit in piles all week, you decide to add “vacuuming under the couch” to a more regular interval, and most importantly you get to be with your kids for pretty much every minute of the day. You get to be there for their milestones and you get to teach them how to help with chores, share, and read. It’s a huge (and amazing) ability and responsibility!
As a mom you’re already shaping the future by raising your children. You are their role model and the life you give them is their origin story. You can definitely raise good kids as a working mom, but as a SAHM you have more time and energy to decide how to do this more intentionally. There is no “just” about it!
Have you asked yourself any of these questions? Did you have any other hesitations? Are you concerned about finances? Check out my post How to be a SAHM (without marrying rich!)